Ask Barbara – Sonya from California


Hello Barbara,


I just wanted to thank you and to let you know that as of today, I will live without reservations. Your biography and blogs which I happened to somehow tap into this morning has opened my eyes and given me new hope to life. I too, have had a steam of misfortune but with your help, I will make all the necessary changes to full fill my dreams at living happily ever after. So far, from what I’ve read … you daughter is grown up and moved away to school? Which tells me that you have no little kids, right?  I have 9 and 10 year old sons …is it possible to include them into the “living without reservations” with little money?  Should I stay in the relationship I’m in to get a degree in something to be able to support my kids and myself before moving on? …


 I’ve already decided to make changes in my life starting today at dinner time. We are going to sit and have a family dinner and no TV involved. But, what else can I do with my kids in the meanwhile? I’m going to buy your book right now.


Here’s my dream list:

–          To live on my own with my kids

–          Run a marathon

–          Travel on a friendly budget

–          Meet wonderful and positive people and keep them in my life

–          I want to be a role model for my kids and be happy.

Sonya from California


Dear Sonya,


I love your dream list and that you place such a high priority on your sons.  Your primary role as a mom is provide a loving and encouraging environment for them to grow up and become productive members of society.  That doesn’t mean buying things, it means spending time with them and appreciating their natural charms.


Include your child in activities that are free.  Make a picnic, take a walk in the park, dip your toes in a lake, go for a bike ride or play board games and Legos.  Think time, attention and eye contact.


Share childcare with another single parent. Every time you think about hiring a babysitter, think “exchange.”  Share in getting the kids to and from school and trade Saturdays or girls-night-out with another working parent.


Get a “working” 1 or 2 year degree that you are practically guaranteed instant employment. Go for a sonogram technician or dental hygienist rather than an associate’s degree in business.   Becoming a real estate agent is great, but will take time to grow a business. You need an immediate dependable pay check.


Definitely start training for a marathon today.  Join a running group so they can teach you how to prepare.  You will meet all kinds of wonderful new inspiring people who are also improving themselves. Start running in 5K runs in your town. Sign up for a marathon in another city so you get to travel too! Your kids will be so proud of you.


Treat to your partner what you want to be treated.  Think of little ways to make them feel important and loved- making a special meal, a single flower, a note, watching their favorite movie together, playing their kind of music or just greeting them when they first come home from work and giving them your undivided attend for 10 minutes.  Go on date night and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Of course, if they are abusive, that is totally different.


When you are happy and feeling like your life is moving forward, everything will change!


Good For You!!    


One Response to Ask Barbara – Sonya from California

  1. Lisabeth says:

    I want to thank you such a lot of for the work you have made in writing this piece of writing. I am hoping the same effective job from you in the future also.

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