The Four Stages of Change

Awareness – Knowing that you need to make a change is the first step. Decide that a certain activity or behavior no longer serves you. Change comes by choice or force. You can quit a job or get fired. Look into the future and see what your life will look like if you don’t change and what it will look like with your new behaviors. Gain leverage over yourself and your thoughts. Everything you need is within you. You have the power.

 

Eliminating– Stop doing the negative behavior. Don’t “try” to change, make a conscientious decision to change, be definite and be certain. Stop buying unhealthy food and no more drive-thru or eliminate toxic people. Continually remind yourself that you deserve a better life. You are a good person and demand more from life. One door must close before another opens. You can’t continue to add to your day without something else being eliminated. Delegate or eliminate mundane tasks that take up your time. Streamline and group tasks together so you only need to think about them weekly or monthly. Be extremely aware of how you spend your precious time.

 

Creating New – Replace old activities or behaviors with new fun positive ones. It takes 21 days to create a habit. If your daily routine was to come home, pour a drink and plop down in front of the TV after work to de-stress, stop and replace it with driving directly to a park or water and enjoying nature for 15 minutes or hit the gym, go for a bike ride, take a class or come home, turn on your favorite music, light candles, open the blinds and work on mini projects you have been meaning to get to. In the beginning, it will feel strange and you won’t “want to” do it, but do it anyway. Push yourself.

 

Flying – Once you start feeling the benefits, you will want more good feelings. Use your new energy and excitement to look at other areas of your life that need a boost. Positive attracts positive. Keep the momentum going. If you have a partner that isn’t supporting you, make the changes anyway. You are doing it for you! When you change, the other must react. Be aware when the other is being negative and know that it is not about you, it is about their own insecurities. When you become a better, happier, more joyful you, the other will certainly take notice and hopefully, will then want to participate.

10 Responses to The Four Stages of Change

  1. Thanks for the informative article, it was a good read and I hope its ok that I share this with some facebook friends. Thanks.
    My website is about Family vacation spots.

  2. Chris Foster says:

    Losing your husband after cheating on your first is karma.

    • Barbara says:

      I agree completely, but karma is not punishment. I think it is the ripple effect of our actions so I too, experienced the pain of loss. Tom’s dying was the worst and best thing that happened to me. Obviously, lossing him was totally devastating but it also was a very “in my face” expression of how fragile life is and that it can be over in snap and if I have a dream or a goal, I better move on it ASAP. No matter how I tortured myself, he was not coming back. Instead, it lit a fire under my chair, pushed me way out of my comfort zone and gave me the courage to quit my job, liquidate my home and travel….eventually landing in Italy and creating a whole new life at the winery. The key is to recognize an event as an opportunity to learn, grow and change who you are because of it, not to put yourself in a corner of shame and guilt. Do I wish I had handled my marriage differently? Of course, but life doesn’t always come in pretty packages. Start where you are and move forward, even if you don’t know where you are going. Just take the first step.

      • Sandra says:

        No, things don’t come in pretty little packages and we all make mistakes (be it by choice or circumstance that leads to the choice!). Being human has a hand in that. The inspiration to be found in all of this is how you put your pieces back together. I admire how you’ve laid it all out there and haven’t claimed perfection. It would have been a much cleaner story had you opted to omit the affair. It’s easy for others to criticize the actions that lead to your awakening. Chris hasn’t walked in your shoes. I’ve been needing change in my life for so very long. I’ve found a lot of motivation reading your blog the past few days. The book just can’t get here fast enough for me! Two people very close to me are fighting for their lives (cancer)… it’s in my face. Thank you Barbara. The winery is on my list of places to visit very soon. I’d love to thank you in person one day.

  3. I really loved the information that your article offwered and I also have changed from the nasty person that I use to be because I have found the love of my life and I am alot happier now that we have began to share everything that we do. I am thankful for your article I hope that many other men swallow their pride and start reading these articles and get their lives together and live life as a REAL man and husband should

  4. I really loved the information that your article offered and I also have changed from the nasty person that I use to be because I have found the love of my life and I am alot happier now that we have began to share everything that we do. I am thankful for your article I hope that many other men swallow their pride and start reading these articles and get their lives together and live life as a REAL man and husband should!!!!!

  5. Great article, Please keep me posted

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