When you really boil it down, there are only two solutions to every dilemma- Change the situation or change your response to it.  If you find that you absolutely cannot go on any longer in a situation, then change the situation.  Change your morning routine, change your diet and exercise program or perhaps it is who takes responsibility for the household finances.  The beauty of it is, that when you change a situation, the others involved in it must also change.  It is a natural law.

I had a client who was overwhelmed. There was just too much on her plate. She was constantly worried about money even though her and her husband lived comfortably and within their means.  She didn’t trust him to handle the checkbook because years before he made some mistakes.  Because this one issue was both stressful and time consuming for her, we decided we could kill two birds with one stone.  The result was amazing.  Not only did her husband step up and willingly take charge, but he was deeply touched that she believed in his mature ability.  He felt important and trustworthy in the eyes of his wife and worked extra diligently to make sure the bills were taken care of.  Her marriage improved in others areas.  He found others ways to take some pressure off of her.  He thrived on becoming her hero and she openly praised him.

If your morning routine is always rushed and full of shouting and tug of war- change the situation.  Decide together, how can we make mornings more pleasant.  Pack lunches the night before, set up the coffee maker, lay out the clothing and gather papers.  Sometimes something so simple as starting a bit earlier for your commute, arrive early and use the few minutes before you must start work to review your calendar or plan a vacation.   You will be in a better mood and start the day so much more relaxed and happy, rather than in panic mode.  Your co-workers will respond to the new you.

When we decided to divide the household chores, my former husband agreed to do laundry.  The problem was he would wait until he had nothing left to wear and it piled so high that it took over our closet, making me crazy.  So rather than stew about it, I decided to bag up the clothing and put in in the laundry room.  Out of sight, out of mind.  I didn’t look at it and he did it on his own sweet time.  Of course it took him all day but that was his choice.

Your partner snores.  They get throat surgery or breathing strips, you get earplugs or sleep in the other room.   Change the situation.

If there is a situation that you can’t change, then change your response to it.  Stop letting it bug you.  It is a choice.  What you focus on grows and what you ignore dies.  In Lamaze, women are taught to redirect their pain by focusing on an object and keep remembering the joy the new baby will bring.  Don’t talk about a nagging situation or rehash it in your mind.  You give it more power. When you catch yourself, turn off the voice in your head and think about 10 things you love about your life or focus on something beautiful- like a flower or a picture.  These small adjustments can reap huge rewards!

A dream is wish or want that you have in the back of your mind that says “would be nice” if it happened.  You may dream about owning a beach house or owning a little bakery or coffee shop. You think about it from time to time or imagine it will be yours “after” you live the life you currently have.  Perhaps you are waiting for children to grow up or a little more financial security.

A goal is also a dream but with a very different attitude about how it is going to come into existence.  A goal has a map, time line, and an action plan.  Without putting it on paper, with details or steps of action, nothing happens.  It’s like saying you want to drive to California, and just get in the car and start driving without knowing where to turn or when you will arrive. 

Unfortunately, we can’t have it both ways.  We can’t have the security (true or imagined) of our current life and live another life at the same time.  One door closes and another opens.  You can’t live in Kansas and be near your friends and family, with your “safety net” job/relationship/home/community AND live at the beach in a relaxed and carefree environment.  You must show the Universe that you are serious about your new life and start taking steps to move in that direction.  ASK for divine intervention. BELIEVE that you deserve the happiness you seek and RECEIVE opportunities that come to you by being aware and taking action.

Often one door closes before we are “ready.”  Deep down we are asking for change, but want it to come in a specific way,  Losing a job/partner/house/money/good health are all ways that change is forced on us. These are all wake-up calls.  We are on this earth to grow, evolve, experience, not just to get by. We are here to experience joy, laughter, wonder and newness.  Mediocrity and repetitiveness are the death of our spirit. 

Stop “Dreaming” and Starting Taking Action.  You don’t have to have everything planned out but you must start moving.  Opportunities will come and you will be able to say YES. It works the opposite of what we think.  Don’t wait for everything to be in place because it never will be. Life changes day by day, so keep it light and stay focused on the outcome, not on the details.

And don’t forget the secret weapon that comes with “putting it out there.”  The Universe! The Universe wants you to succeed.  It wants to put people, places and events into action to help you achieve your goals.  But the Universe only knows what you know.  If you are not clear and active, It doesn’t know how to help you!  Watching all the magical moments that are created by the Universe is the most fun game in the world.  None of it is my luck or happenstance.  You and Universe have co-created all your good fortune.  Go and live life to the fullest.  Take a chance. Believe!  Then sit back and watch the magic.

Happiness is a choice !

It can be learned and here are some ideas to help you get a jump start on getting out of a rut and seeing the world in a different place.  It is far too easy to pop a pill and feel better, but what happens when that pill doesn’t work anymore? Physical and emotional health are combined.

I’d rather look at the causes and find real solutions.  We, humans, were not meant to live in the industrial, fast paced world that we have created.  Poor countries actually are happier than industrialized ones (aside from basic needs of course). We have far more cases of depression than other developed countries.  But what happens when enough is never enough and too much becomes less?  Everyone is talking about simplify, but what does that mean in terms of creating happiness?

Here are some ideas starting with basics:

1. Eat foods that are alive, green and colorful, including lots of veggies, fruits and grains.  Give your body the best possible fuel.  Limit white flour, white rice, white potatoes, milk and meat. Industrial foods are filled with chemicals that are toxic and hard to digest. Eat lots of fresh herbs and garlic. Take Omega 3 Fish oil.  Poor diet creates insomnia, low self esteem, poor concentration and feelings of hopelessness.

2. Sleep well. Limit caffeine and alcohol.  Stop eating 3 hours before bedtime and don’t fall asleep with the TV on.  Prepare a bedtime ritual.  A nice hot soak in the tub, gentle reading, great sheets, and spray a soothing fragrance.  Go to bed at the same time each night and rise at the same time.

3. Spend time in nature everyday without a phone or IPod. Direct sunlight gives us vitamins D&E. Engage all of your senses. Take your lunch break outside or in a sun drenched place. Open the car windows.  Bring fresh flowers to your desk or bedside.

4. Turn off the TV or wean off to only selected or educational shows.  Turn on your favorite music. Music naturally makes you feel better!  I love Pandora and am transported to a different country every time!  I love “French Café” and “Sutra Rhythms.”  TV is a downer and lowers your vibration, especially news and other’s drama.  Noise has huge effect on our feelings of well being.  Become aware of your environment. Choose joy and uplifting.

5. Give a Hug.  Get a massage.  We are a touch deprived culture.  Consider getting a massage on a regular basis.  Ask for a lower rate if come in on a regular basis.  Steaming, sauna and acupuncture are incorporated in many European lifestyles. These are not luxuries but necessities!

6. We are social creatures and need interaction.  Not on the phone or computer, get direct eye contact.  Isolation creates depression.  Stop by at a little shop you have been meaning to visit and strike up a conversation.  You will learn something new and maybe even make a new friend.  Smile at everyone.  We could all use a little happiness.  Do a random act of kindness.

7. Try gardening.  There are actually bacteria in the dirt that make us feel good!  Plus you are lovingly caring for something outside yourself and breathing all that wonderful “new” air. 

8.  Get a pet or love on someone else’s.  Animals give endless love and never talk back.  They appreciate a stroke and are soft and cuddly.

9. BREATH.  There are many videos to teach you long deep breathing.  Yoga is a great way to incorporate breathing, flexibility and gentle body movements.   This can easily been done at home.

10.  Use mantras, visualization and mediations to “teach” yourself to think positively.  Your self-talk is your best friend or worst enemy.  The good news it, you control it!  I put sticky notes on mirrors and my computer to help me remember my dreams and my power.  I have a vision board or poster filled with pictures and words that help me keep my “dream life” in focus. I am not a good mediator, but I do lye flat on the floor and focus on my breath and appreciating and loving each part of my body starting from my feet to my head.   I repeat mantras when I run or power walk outside.

Resolve to Downsize, Reduce Debt Fast and Gain Time !

Go to the dry cleaners every 2 or 3 months rather than 2 or 3 times a month. 

Wait until you have worn just about everything in your closet then go through what is left and decide if you really want to keep it.  Sort the pieces you are taking to the cleaners and decide if you really love them and want to keep them before you pay to clean them. Then find a bargain cleaner even if they are not just around the corner. Ask the owner for a volume discount.

Same with laundry, do it every 2 or 4 weeks. That will force you to wear everything in your drawers and will free you from constantly doing laundry. You will be surprised how much stuff you have that you really never wear because you don’t like it or it does fit.  It is far better to have a few pieces that make you feel good when you wear them, than piles of clothing you never wear. Donate it before it become out of fashion and no one wants it.  There are many who have far less than you and your kindness will brighten their day!

Think of this:  If you have 30 pairs of shoes, that means you will wear each pair just 12 times per year.  If you wear the same shoe more often, another pair will NEVER leave your closet!  Stop spending time, energy and money managing your stuff.  Go light and lean so you can focus on the fun things in life.

Practice the Gift of Exchange

The next thing you need to buy, figure out how to get it without spending money.  Get the book from the library or trade babysitting services with another parent friend.  If you don’t spend it, you don’t need to earn it.

Trade your talent for something you need. Wash and vacuum someone’s car in exchange for a massage. Do yard work  in exchange for your neighbor repairing the leaky faucet. Or perhaps a computer lesson or tutoring to their child. Everyone needs something and everyone has something to give. Give what you enjoy doing and it will be fun.  Barter for everything.

Even try a party dress exchange.  Everyone bring a fabulous party dress they have already ready worn and trade it with someone else.  You could do the same with shoes, bags, kids clothing/toys or other gently or never used items too. Everyone wins.